Greenish-Blue With Christmas Spirit
by FreelancerRiley
Summary: Ah, Christmas. When you get together with you closes friends and family and celebrate the joy of being together. That being said, all Church wants to do is strangle his teammates. 'Tis the season.


A/N: I had too much fun with this.

* * *

It was quiet in Valhalla, which was very rare, all things considered. There was snow on the ground, and the occupants of the two bases were sleeping peacefully. At least the Reds were.

At seven a.m., Church was rudely awakened by Caboose jumping onto his bed like an excited five-year-old, blabbering on how he needed to get up it was Christmas what did Santa get him? He was literally dragged out of bed and was halfway up the ramp leading upstairs before he was able to wrestle himself out of the blonde's grip. Wash had to threaten to dump a bucket of snow on him before Tucker got out of bed, groaning.

'Tis the season.

There was a mound of present under the Christmas tree. Wash still wondered where the hell they the tree, but knew better than to ask. It helped you stay sane.

All of the present were wrapped in paper matching their armor colors. There were a few red-themed ones, for they did a gift exchange a few days ago. Most of them were pink, with a few orange and maroon ones.

Caboose wound up getting the most gifts, to no-one's surprise. Most of it was crayons, coloring books, and a cookbook from Donut. Grif got him a stuffed cat, which was Caboose's favorite present, next to the coloring book that Church got him. Even though Simmons got him the same one, and he opened that one first.

Tucker got a drawing from both Jr. and Caboose, a few *ahem* magazines from Church, and the same kinds of movies from Wash. I'm sure we all know what kind they were. He also got a parenting guide from Wash, which he promptly threw at said laughing Freelancer.

Nobody really knew what to get Wash, so he mostly got clothes. Church got him a scope for his pistol, as the old one mysteriously vanished. Simmons got him a weapons maintenance guide, as well as some cleaning tools.

Jr. was too young to get any presents. Besides, what do you get for an alien species that you know little to nothing about?

Church was last to go. He got a stuffed animal from Caboose, some fashion magazines from Donut (seriously-WTF?), which caused Tucker to start laughing. He was bombarded with them until he stopped. Tucker got him a new scope for his Sniper Rifle. "Well, you bitch all the time that 'someone must be fucking with the sights on this thing,' so I got you a new one." Church didn't know whether to thank him or strangle him. Maybe both, depending on how the rest of the day went. Grif got him a few bottles of liquor. 'Stolen from Sarge's personal stash, so you know it's strong!' was what the tag said.

He was a bit disappointed when he didn't get anything from Wash, but the Freelancer disappeared for a few moments. He returned with a rectangular box. His initial reaction was joy, but turned to mistrust when he saw the look on the blonde's face.

"If this is another confetti bomb-" he began, growling.(1)

"It's not."

Still not believing him, he opened the box, prepairing for the worse. When nothing happened, he relaxed and took the gift out of the box.

A shirt. It was the color of Church's armor, but had yellow on the shoulders, sleeves, and collar.

"Gee, thanks," he said sarcastically. Then he saw what was on it. His eyes went wide, and his face turned as red as Sarge's armor. He shoved it back into the box and glared at the Recovery Agent.

"You bastard."

"What?" Wash asked, innocently.

"What does it say?" Tucker asked.

"That's none of you business!" was shot back at him. This only encouraged the aqua-clad soldier to steal the shirt.

After a short scuffle, Tucker had the shirt. "Let's see what the problem is...'Property of Agent Washington'?" he read out loud before he burst out laughing. A red-faced Church snatched the shirt away.

"We agreed not to say anything about this!"

"Exactly. I didn't **say** anything, did I?"

Church stormed out of the room.

Caboose was a bit confused. "Does this mean that Church is a gay robot?" he asked, causing Tucker to laugh harder.

"Yes, yes it does," Wash replied, grinning.

"I'm so not wearing this!" Church hollered from the kitchen.

"Oh yes you are!"

"Make me!"

Three minutes later, Church was sulking on the sofa with the shirt on.

"By the way, the Reds are coming over for dinner." Wash reminded him.

"Shoot me now," he grumbled.

True to his word, the Reds showed up around five. Donut gave him the thumbs up upon seeing the shirt. Grif and Simmons acted like it was a normal thing for him to wear. Church raised an eyebrow when he saw that they were holding hands, but said nothing. Sarge ignored him completely, grumbling something about 'Simmons betraying him for Grif.'

Dinner went relatively well. No breaking of dishes, no shouts of 'Tucker did it!' Just small talk. It was quite nice. Then Donut proposed a toast.

"I would like to have a toast in honor of our two lovely couples finally coming out of the closet!" Grif and Simmons exchanged a smile while Church just glared at a grinning Wash.

Church leaned towards Wash and whispered, "Fuck you."

"That's later tonight," Wash whispered back.

Maybe this day wouldn't be so bad after all.

* * *

(1)The confetti bomb in going to be in my sequel to Pranks a Lot. It's rigged so that the instant the box is opened, the box explodes into a cloud of confetti. You'll be finding confetti for years after it's gone off. Just ask Wash.


End file.
